Tag Archives: perfect

For the Love of Women series Part 5

puzzle-140904_640“Body image is the mental representation we create of what we think we look like; it may or may not bear a close relation to how others actually see us. That is, it is subject to all kinds of distortion from internal elements like our emotions, moods, early experiences, attitudes of our parents, and much more.” Psychology Today 

 
So how do we change what we think we look like? Can we find peace with our bodies? And is it possible to break the habit of bad body image with our children?
 
I think so, if you really want to. It’s not a quick over-night happening. It takes work. You need to change your perception of others, yourself and your children. It’s important to know that you will always be a work in progress and you will slip up. But a slip up doesn’t mean you give up. It means you try harder and avoid the action, situation or person that made you falter. The following are things I changed about how I perceive others, myself and my children. 
 
I started with working on my perception of others. I thought it would be the hardest, but you know what, I was wrong.
  • See the beauty in people. I’m not just talking about outward appearances. I mean see people for who they are, their personality, heart, attitude, etc. Society’s idea of beauty doesn’t mean beautiful spirit, unfortunately, so although a person maybe perceived as “beautiful” or “handsome” they could have the nastiest spirit. 
  • Realize that everything in life comes in all different shapes, sizes, colors and styles. That includes people.
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Learning to not judge others on their looks was easy compared to the internal dialog we give ourselves. I had more problems with this than anything else. I had judged myself for so long and so hard. I had allowed it to tear me down. And I still catch myself thinking of some part of my body with disappointment, so I’m not completely “cured” by any means. Like I said before, I am a work in progress. These are the thing I resolved to change or let go.  
  • I don’t need to lose weight to be sexy or hot or because someone thinks I should. If I choose to lose weight, it will be for myself and to be healthy so that I can enjoy my life and watch my children grow. 
  • I refuse to allow others to define me. 
    • Call me fat….Duh, guess what I have a mirror.
    • Call me a ginger….Yeah and I paid for the box it came in.
    • Point out the gravitational pull of my body….I’m 40, it happens.
    • Point out my big butt….so this Baby got back, never had any complaints on that.
    • Freckles…Yep got those, Nope I don’t cover them with make-up.
    • Brain….Why,yes, thank you for noticing….that doesn’t usually get acknowledged.
  • I refuse to define myself in a negative way also. 
  • I determined to realize that I am beautiful. Maybe not in the way that you are beautiful or the way these women are beautiful. But my beauty is unique to me and yours is to you. 
  • I decided to let go of toxic people in my life, I may not be able to rid myself of them (i.e. co-workers, family, neighbors, etc.) but I can limit the contact I have with them. 
My babies and I....they love me....just the way I am! And I love them just the way they are.

My babies and I….they love me….just the way I am! And I love them just the way they are.

The only way to end the war on #bodyimage , #girlhate , and #womenvswomen is to change the course of the future. Well, that sounds daunting doesn’t it? Well guess what? Most of us probably already do some of the suggestions I’m about to make. As cliché as it sounds, our children are the future and to change the future’s outlook on body images, we need to help them learn how to value beauty in everything and everyone. We need to:
  • not allow others to define them. 
  • show them how to love themselves just the way they are. 
  • show them how to not focus on physical attributes only. Appreciate a person’s mind and heart not the size of their jeans. 
  • teach them the difference between being healthy and overweight/skinny, because neither one means you are healthy. 
  • teach them that television/media/advertisers are out to make money. They don’t care about the message they send out as long as it sells the product/look/show. 
  • make a point to never voice a dissatisfaction of their body or your own. This is important. No child should ever hear their parent tell them they are fat, ugly or skinny. 
  • tell them not only are they handsome/beautiful every day but tell them they are smart, friendly, and a good person. 

We all have enough pressure on us about body image in every magazine, advertisement, tv show and movie that’s out there. The last thing we need is to be negative toward our children and ourselves. Besides, don’t we all deserve to be treated as the beautiful beings we are? 

 
Live your Life, perfectly crazy~~~<3Kathy<3
 
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For the Love of Women series Part 3

 

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Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and criticize everything you see?

Do you talk about your forehead being too big or your lips too small?

Those are just examples but most women have issues with one or more of their body parts.

I do. I am overweight. I’m jiggly in way too many areas. Things have fallen and they no longer even try to get up. My hair is half box Red/half natural gray, (the gray started at 25). I have a stomach covered in stretch marks. Not to mention the three scars from my gall bladder surgery. And those are only some of the things visible.

Why do we do that? Why is our idea of what is beautiful so messed up? Do we have to look a certain way to be sexy?

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About a year ago, give or take, I reached the decision that despite what my internal message to myself might be, I would stop putting myself down and start acknowledging my beauty. After all, I’m the only me there ever will be. And I will embrace the sexy that I have within me.

My stretch marks are my badges of honor from forming two precious lives within me, nurturing and letting them grow.

My gall bladder scars are a daily reminder to watch what I put in my mouth. As a result, I try to cook healthier which is opening up more family time around the table as opposed to eating out or grabbing a snack.

Although I’m not sure that I am ready to stop coloring my hair, my grays are a legacy from my mother who also went gray at an early age and colored her hair. And it is a somber reminder to act my age at times. Not often but sometimes.

And yes, I’m overweight and that’s a health concern. I have started to workout. But I don’t do it to make myself more pleasing to someone. To be honest, if you don’t like me as I am now, then I can guarantee you that I won’t like you when and if I ever meet your approval. I do it because I want to breathe better, live longer and play harder with my children.

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I was recently involved in a conversation about being sexy and others perception of us and how we allow that to affect us. In the process of the conversation I made a comment that I thought was pretty profound. It is as much applicable to ourselves as to others view of us.

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Continuing to ignore the beauty of YOU can eventually spill over into areas you would rather it not. In Part 4 of this series, I will discuss what happens when that happens and how it affects your children, daughters especially.

 

Just the way we are….

I love this post! But I have to add that I think it applies to adults also. We can’t all be super models and body builders. But we are all perfect and unique just the way we are. (This image was shared by a friend on Facebook. I am not the creator of it.)