Tag Archives: Jacob

To Cry or To Dance?

My little boy started school last week and he was so excited. We both managed to get through the first morning without crying as I walked him to his class. But that was the calmest time of the entire week.100_1949

When we picked him up that afternoon, he was angry and crying. Even now a week later, I’m not sure why he was angry or crying. This became the theme for the entire week. He was either upset, crying or both and it expanded to both morning and afternoon. He wasn’t eating his lunches that I made him (all things I knew that he would eat). He told me that he had moved down on his behavior chart each day.

It was so hard seeing him upset about school. He loved being with his new friends but when they all got stickers for being good and he didn’t. Well, let me put it this way, to my son, not getting a sticker is like being the only one in your company to not get the cost of living raise but instead getting a pink slip. It’s the ultimate rejection.

I didn’t want to be impetuous and ruin a possibly good relationship with my son’s teacher or the school. So the next morning, I walked him to class and spoke with his teacher to find out why he was getting in trouble and what needed work. Not surprisingly most of the issues (listening skills, personal space, sitting still and not being a clown) he had caused were things we have had problems with at home also.

So today started week two of Kindergarten. I have high hopes for the week. When I picked him up this afternoon, according to him he stayed on the good side of the chart but he did kick another kids backpack. When I asked why he kicked it, he told me “I just wanted to dance!” Not ok to kick but so much better than coming home in tears.

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For the Love of Women series Part 4

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When I started this series, I was thinking mostly about the way women always put down other women. How we evaluate ourselves within the realms of other people’s opinions. How we feel hatred within and towards our own bodies. But it is so much more than that. How we treat others and ourselves teaches our children how to treat others and themselves. How we define ourselves will directly influence our children’s definition. 

I’m sitting here at my computer to write this post and I look over to see my daughter looking at me from her high chair next to me and she smiles, showing both newly arrived teeth. I turn my head just a bit more and I see my son setting at the table playing educational (and fun) games on daddy’s computer. We do this often, sitting together so I can get some of my computer work done. It works out pretty good, even more now that Michaela is able to play with toys.

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On two occasions, these precious children have been referred to as “overweight”. Michaela is almost 7 months old, and is just now starting to be mobile. Jacob is almost 5 years old and is constantly moving. It angered me. It angers me that these “weight guidelines” are so generic and one size fits all. Why do my children need to be the same size as yours? Or vice versa? Why is it so wrong to be individually sized?

In Part 3 of this series I stated all the things about myself that are not to my liking, my inner dialog. I feel those thoughts often. But you know what? That was the first time in a while where I have given them voice outside of my mind. I refuse to allow my son and daughter to hear me put myself down. Why you ask? Well let me share my thoughts.

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If my son hears me talk about how I need to lose weight, have a tiny waist, a smaller nose, etc., then what am I teaching him? . When he starts dating (you know, when he turns 30…J), he will think the most important thing to look for is slim, tiny waist, perfect face instead of a beautiful mind, kind heart and loving spirit. Then he is just another guy who only judges a woman by her outward appearance instead of her inner qualities.

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And my daughter, what does she learn? It will affect her the most. She learns that she is not good enough, not slim enough, not pretty enough. She learns that it’s not about being healthy but about having a tiny waist. She will fall for the first guy to pay her a compliment.  When we pass on that body hate to our daughters, guess what? They pass it on to their daughters and they to their daughters and so on. It’s a generational curse of sorts.

The recent stories of model pictures being Photoshop edited to look smaller and the new clothing sizes established by some clothing stores/lines are promoting an unhealthy and unrealistic challenge for impressionable young girls.  They are bombarded on the television, magazines, internet and from their friends.

Don’t they deserve to have someone show them that they are beautiful however they look? Shouldn’t that come from us the parents, the mothers showing them that they should love their own bodies?

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In the next installment, its time to start changing things. Time to find out how to be a body love role model and teach our children how to love their bodies. Time to break that generational curse and societies standards.

His Inner World or Simple Defiance Part 2

I decided to wait a few days before writing this post because I was upset and I didn’t want that to come out in my writing. And I will try to do that.

The day after I published my blog post His Inner World or Simple Defiance, I went ahead and made an appointment for Jacob with the pediatricians office. They had an opening later that day, or the next available opening would have been late July. I talked it over with Mickey and we decided that we really didn’t want to wait that long so we took the appointment that afternoon.

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I sat down with Jacob to explain that we were taking him to the doctor but it was just to talk. He gets really upset if he thinks that there is a possibility of shots or hospital stay. I told him that they may listen to his heart, check his blood pressure, all the normal every visit things. He asked me what we would be talking about with the doctor. I let him know it was about his anger and not being able to sit still for anything. I told him that when daddy and I tried to talk to him about his anger he would just get mad even more. He seemed ok with everything.

When we got to the doctor’s office, he played in the waiting room. We tried to engage him in games to pass the time because as usual everything was behind about 30 minutes. When we were finally called back, they, as I had told him, did the whole run up of tests. Then we were shown into the exam room. His calm lasted for about two minutes then he was in hyper drive full force. He kicked off his shoes, was jumping on and off of the exam table, crawling in the space between the table top and shelf. I started to try to get him to calm down but then I thought well it’s probably better for them to see him in action. So I let him wreak havoc however he wanted.

So the first doctor (first year resident, not an attending) came in and sat down to talk with us. He asked general questions about why were we there and what were we looking for out of the appointment. We told him about the issues we were having with Jacob’s anger and all the issues going on besides the anger. And of course, Jacob is doing his thing. At one point, Jacob need to use the restroom so the two of us left the room for about five minutes.  So as we return, he tells us that the attending will be in shortly to talk with us also.

Mickey tells me that he was saying that it was most likely “temper tantrums” and he needed more discipline. As he was telling me, the attending came in and asked the same questions. He also mentioned it could be “temper tantrums” and most likely would grow out of it.

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No I’m sorry. I’ve been around children most of my life, in some capacity or another. I saw all of my nephews and my niece grow up. And I have worked as a daycare teacher, a substitute teacher, and worked in a fast food restaurant. I have seen temper tantrums from children. I have seen my son throw a temper tantrum. This, that is going on with my son, is not simply a temper tantrum! There is something more. Temper tantrums are outbursts, a temporary display, not an all day thing.

But according to the doctors, we are required to wait until he is in school and sent by referral from his teacher to get a diagnosis.

Wait, WHAT? I’m sorry, I have a lot of respect for teachers but they can not and will not ever know a single child in their classroom better than the parents. Not only that but since when does a teaching degree including psychiatric/psychological training.  The doctor suggested telling the teacher that we needed him evaluated so that he/she could be on the lookout for stressed encounters for him. I don’t think I will be doing that. For one thing, that will set a precedent for my son to be judge at every emotional outburst. And also that may travel with him through the years.

I’m not hoping for a diagnosis of ADHD or something else, so that I can medicate him and let the medication fix everything. And no that is not a slur to those that choose to medicate. But we, as parents, decided we didn’t want him medicated. I just want to find ways to help him deal with his anger and other emotions. I want to be able to do activities with him, without the anger surfacing for apparently no reason.

I’m working on the “ME” part of the equation also. I don’t think it is all an issue of him. I know that how Mickey and I react to him has a lot to do with the acceleration of his emotions. We are both trying to pull away if we feel that things are not going to cool down quickly, to give him time to calm. I have been working on not raising my voice. I am setting aside some time each day to spend doing stuff that he wants. Each night, we do story time before bed.  I have also been looking up organizational ideas to get his room streamlined better so there are not so many play options or clean up items.

So basically, we won’t be doing much more about it other than within our home. We will wait and see how school affects him. If and when it becomes an issue at school then we will decide what to do at that time. The most important thing is that my son feel safe, happy and loved. And he is loved beyond measure.

 

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Jacob and his puppy Googoo. (Jacob picked out the name and it stuck.)