So the kids will be spending the evening with one of my sisters tomorrow night so that daddy and I can have a “date night”. We don’t go out, just the two of us, very much. Matter of fact, this will make the second time in 2014.
I’m looking forward to going out and doing whatever we decide to do. We are torn between dinner and a movie, or rent a movie and get takeout and just relax at home. Personally, I’m kind of opting for the latter. But whatever we choose, it will give us time to relax. Something of which I definitely need.
I love my children very much. They are my whole world. I love that I can be at home with them. I appreciate that Mickey goes to work each day so I can.
But my goodness, it’s so hard!
Don’t get me wrong, I have been a single working mom and a working mom. So I know that is hard too. But nothing prepared me for how bone aching weary I would be at this point in my life. Now, granted, I am 40 years old and still carrying extra weight from both pregnancies and not to mention what I already carried. But nonetheless, it amazes me that I wake up tired and aching in areas I don’t remember having used.
Being a stay at home mom means that I am available to my children whenever they need me and they seem to need me 24 hours a day and seven days a week. And I do mean me, my son especially will not let anyone else, not even Daddy, help him. And my daughter has already exhibited the same tendencies. So that means very limited relaxation or personal time.
And yes I get frustrated, tired, grumpy, unhappy and downright depressed sometimes, to name just a few of the emotions I feel at any given time. But what I don’t understand is why, when faced with the prospect of a date night out, do I feel so dang guilty? It’s as though my mind is trying to say that every minute should be devoted solely to my children. But that can’t be healthy. Keep them safe, feed them well, bathe them often, love them devotedly and raise them responsibly. But also they need to experience the truth of me. See me when I write, play, cook, make jewelry, scrapbook, etc. Those things which define me as a person, both material and emotional. And if I lose myself, the only thing left are the emotional outcries.
When I get to the point that I am extremely in need of a time away, I am at the point where I no longer see myself, just “mom”. What is more important than being “mom”? Thinking that I should be able to have it all is I think a major source of my guilt. Why can’t I have wonderful children who want me with them all the time? And a partner that loves me, imperfections and all, just the way I am? And still do the things I like to do? I feel guilty for wanting all of those things. And when something needs to be cut out, its usually the things I want to do. My guilt is a waste of time and energy. A waste of precious time taken from living my perfectly crazy life with my family.
Am I the only one? Do other parents feel guilty when they take time away for non-work reasons such as a date night or out with friends?