Tag Archives: anger

To Cry or To Dance?

My little boy started school last week and he was so excited. We both managed to get through the first morning without crying as I walked him to his class. But that was the calmest time of the entire week.100_1949

When we picked him up that afternoon, he was angry and crying. Even now a week later, I’m not sure why he was angry or crying. This became the theme for the entire week. He was either upset, crying or both and it expanded to both morning and afternoon. He wasn’t eating his lunches that I made him (all things I knew that he would eat). He told me that he had moved down on his behavior chart each day.

It was so hard seeing him upset about school. He loved being with his new friends but when they all got stickers for being good and he didn’t. Well, let me put it this way, to my son, not getting a sticker is like being the only one in your company to not get the cost of living raise but instead getting a pink slip. It’s the ultimate rejection.

I didn’t want to be impetuous and ruin a possibly good relationship with my son’s teacher or the school. So the next morning, I walked him to class and spoke with his teacher to find out why he was getting in trouble and what needed work. Not surprisingly most of the issues (listening skills, personal space, sitting still and not being a clown) he had caused were things we have had problems with at home also.

So today started week two of Kindergarten. I have high hopes for the week. When I picked him up this afternoon, according to him he stayed on the good side of the chart but he did kick another kids backpack. When I asked why he kicked it, he told me “I just wanted to dance!” Not ok to kick but so much better than coming home in tears.

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His Inner World or Simple Defiance?

100_1570So as some of you may know, we have had trouble with Jacob and his attitude/anger/disobedience/whatever it may be. I have beat myself up thinking that it was something that we as parents have or have not done. I have thought that he was acting out more because of Michaela taking so much attention away from him. Or that it was just the so-called “ferocious Fours” and before the “terrifying Threes”. I even thought that maybe, despite what we were trying to do to raise a child that appreciated what he was given instead of expecting everything, he was spoiled and petulant.

Its been an everyday battle with him. I say battle, but of course I don’t mean that literally. I mean more that it is an emotional struggle each day. I have been so frustrated that I have cried. I am at my wit’s end on how to handle my smart handsome boy. Here’s why:

A typical day consists of him waking up at least once or twice a night, eventually demanding to come sleep in our bed. When he wakes up for the day, most of the time he is already angry. He gets angry if he doesn’t get to watch TV or if he does and there is nothing he likes to watch. He talks constantly, and I mean constantly. He even talks in his sleep. Also he talks to strangers while we are out and about. He can’t stand the quiet. He can’t handle loud noises. He won’t eat most of the times except certain things. Even then, if it isn’t put a certain way or cut a certain way he flips out. He honestly doesn’t hear things his daddy tells him. I usually have to tell him that his daddy is speaking to him and he seems surprised by it. He is constantly moving. He cannot sit still. He may not always get up when he should be still but if not, his hands are moving and getting into things. He likes to hit, mostly me but he has also hit daddy and his cousin who is 4yo also. And on a couple of occasions, he has told me he didn’t want me as his mommy, to get out of his room, to leave, and other various angry comments.

As I’m sure any other mom would agree, hearing your child tell you that they don’t want you as their mommy anymore is heartbreaking. But he does tend to apologize quickly. And he can be very loving and cuddly. He has been very patient with his baby sister. He is smart and has almost a eidetic memory when it comes to music, directions and books. He loves learning and playing equally. And just so no one is confused I love my baby boy and I am so proud of him. I know he is feeling things differently than you and me. I also know that some of his actions are normal age appropriate behavior. But I know my son and I can see the frustration, the confusion and the anger (at himself) in his eyes.

I have begun a quest to find out what I can do to help my son. I have researched anything and everything I can about behavioral, disciplinary and emotional issues that tend to affect young boys Jacobs age. Not that I plan to consider any of it as a substitute for a doctors examination. But what I did find was very interesting.  I have looked at Autism, Sensory spectrum disorder, Highly sensitive, depression, dehydration, jealousy, Asperger’s Syndrome, ADHD, Sleep disorders and even food allergies. It has been both overwhelming and interesting. I have used WebMD.com, healthcentral.com, about.com as well as looking into others stories of their children.

As I stated before, I am not taking the information I find on the web as a diagnosis. We have decided to set up an appointment with Jacob’s pediatrician. I’m not sure what that will achieve, whether a diagnosis or a referral to another doctor. I have my thoughts that it is ADHD. I have found that most of the issues we have observed with Jacob can be explained by ADHD. I am anxious to get into the doctor so that I can begin finding some things to help Jacob cope better.

I plan to continue blogging about our journey toward finding answers and remedies for Jacob.  My hope is that we can find solutions to make things better for him and more tolerating of his inner world.