His Inner World or Simple Defiance?

100_1570So as some of you may know, we have had trouble with Jacob and his attitude/anger/disobedience/whatever it may be. I have beat myself up thinking that it was something that we as parents have or have not done. I have thought that he was acting out more because of Michaela taking so much attention away from him. Or that it was just the so-called “ferocious Fours” and before the “terrifying Threes”. I even thought that maybe, despite what we were trying to do to raise a child that appreciated what he was given instead of expecting everything, he was spoiled and petulant.

Its been an everyday battle with him. I say battle, but of course I don’t mean that literally. I mean more that it is an emotional struggle each day. I have been so frustrated that I have cried. I am at my wit’s end on how to handle my smart handsome boy. Here’s why:

A typical day consists of him waking up at least once or twice a night, eventually demanding to come sleep in our bed. When he wakes up for the day, most of the time he is already angry. He gets angry if he doesn’t get to watch TV or if he does and there is nothing he likes to watch. He talks constantly, and I mean constantly. He even talks in his sleep. Also he talks to strangers while we are out and about. He can’t stand the quiet. He can’t handle loud noises. He won’t eat most of the times except certain things. Even then, if it isn’t put a certain way or cut a certain way he flips out. He honestly doesn’t hear things his daddy tells him. I usually have to tell him that his daddy is speaking to him and he seems surprised by it. He is constantly moving. He cannot sit still. He may not always get up when he should be still but if not, his hands are moving and getting into things. He likes to hit, mostly me but he has also hit daddy and his cousin who is 4yo also. And on a couple of occasions, he has told me he didn’t want me as his mommy, to get out of his room, to leave, and other various angry comments.

As I’m sure any other mom would agree, hearing your child tell you that they don’t want you as their mommy anymore is heartbreaking. But he does tend to apologize quickly. And he can be very loving and cuddly. He has been very patient with his baby sister. He is smart and has almost a eidetic memory when it comes to music, directions and books. He loves learning and playing equally. And just so no one is confused I love my baby boy and I am so proud of him. I know he is feeling things differently than you and me. I also know that some of his actions are normal age appropriate behavior. But I know my son and I can see the frustration, the confusion and the anger (at himself) in his eyes.

I have begun a quest to find out what I can do to help my son. I have researched anything and everything I can about behavioral, disciplinary and emotional issues that tend to affect young boys Jacobs age. Not that I plan to consider any of it as a substitute for a doctors examination. But what I did find was very interesting.  I have looked at Autism, Sensory spectrum disorder, Highly sensitive, depression, dehydration, jealousy, Asperger’s Syndrome, ADHD, Sleep disorders and even food allergies. It has been both overwhelming and interesting. I have used WebMD.com, healthcentral.com, about.com as well as looking into others stories of their children.

As I stated before, I am not taking the information I find on the web as a diagnosis. We have decided to set up an appointment with Jacob’s pediatrician. I’m not sure what that will achieve, whether a diagnosis or a referral to another doctor. I have my thoughts that it is ADHD. I have found that most of the issues we have observed with Jacob can be explained by ADHD. I am anxious to get into the doctor so that I can begin finding some things to help Jacob cope better.

I plan to continue blogging about our journey toward finding answers and remedies for Jacob.  My hope is that we can find solutions to make things better for him and more tolerating of his inner world.

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7 thoughts on “His Inner World or Simple Defiance?

  1. Susan Bonifant

    I’m sure you are worried, but you said it yourself: you need to consult with a doctor and go with that. Let them know before you meet what you need to discuss. If you feel brushed off or not heard, find one you trust or one who comes highly recommended. Otherwise, no matter what the source (and you’ve named several) you run the risk of reading yourself into very serious disorders and thinking you’re all doomed. Work with your doctor to assess the behaviors. And for the love of God, stay off WebMD until then. You’ll make yourself nuts. Good luck. Report back.

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  2. Sharon Greenthal

    Consulting with your physician is definitely the first step. My son has ADHD (now 22) and once he was diagnosed it explained a lot of his behavior that we didn’t quite understand – and medication was a big help.

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  3. Susan F.

    I hope your doctor is helpful, and is able to refer you to whomever can best help your son show more often that he is the “smart, handsome, loving and cuddly boy” that you describe!

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  4. Pingback: His Inner World or Simple Defiance Part 2 | Life…perfectly crazy

  5. TooMuchofAWussToSay

    My little man had Autism, Anxiety, ADHD and OCD diagnoses, and his behavior was similar to what you describe.
    Having a diagnosis (or diagnoses), access to therapy, a realization that he was not being difficult but was having some serious trouble surviving his day to day life, and an understanding of how we could help him has been amazingly effective in improving our lives.
    Good luck, and please realize that for many people a diagnosis takes a long time.

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    1. mommaboo83109 Post author

      Thank you for your response! I have put into action some suggestions I have found such as organizing his room to minimize over-stimulation and making more of an attempt to do some things just with him instead of as a family. Over the last week or so, I have seen a bit of change in some areas. Understanding how we as parents could help him has been the main motive spurring me on. I appreciate the words of wisdom from someone who has been through a similar situation. And good luck to you also!

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